| |
(Note: I found my old poetry book yesterday! So, to provide some much needed content, I'm going to be posting some of my old poems! I'm starting off with one of my personal favourites of mine... a parody poem of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven". Written October 17, 2001. Enjoy!)
Once upon a midnight sleeping, lay a farmer in his keeping
Dreaming all about the many precious moments with his sheep
Unbeknownst to him, while sleeping, numerous aliens were creeping
Creeping 'bout the sheepyard searching for a harvest they could reap
Sheep are tasty to the spacemen, many there that they could reap
Doing all without a peep
Suddenly then, there was startled farmer Bob was all a marveled
For his restlessness he was unable to go back to sleep
Did he have a nightmare blasted? Was his stomach hungry fasted?
Maybe he was full and had to let his body fluids seep?
In the outhouse there he let his many body fluids seep
Along with a flaming heap
As he pulled his pants up briefly, then he heard a sheep baa griefly
He rushed over quickly to discover the cause of the weep
When he saw the source of whining, many aliens there dining
He knew that he had to try and save his many wooly sheep
Out he rushed into the battle just to save his wooly sheep
In his trusty, rusted Jeep
T'wards the aliens 'twas facing, his adrenaline was racing
Noble steed that was the Jeep rushed in to rescue yon lost sheep
Unbeknownst to Bob, t'were mannin' yon gigantic laser cannon
Blown to ashes, there the end of Bob's old trusty, rusted Jeep
Bob there wept over the rubble of his trusty, rusted Jeep
That he bought at Ed's real cheap
After Jeep was laser dusted, Bob's pride was severely busted
He rushed in with his bare fists to save his many wooly sheep
As the aliens then parted, king alien on Bob farted
Passed the gas with much of ease and put the farmer back to sleep
On the ground there Bob did lie when gas had put him back to sleep
One that was extremely deep
Then the aliens retreated, Bob lied on the earth defeated
When he woke, to much surprise, he knew of nothing prior sleep
Sanity there then had left him, craziness then overtook him
There he danced around just like a llama learning how to leap
After tiring he went back to dream about how he could leap
Back to his old snuggly keep
When he entered, heard a ticking as an old woodpecker picking
Round about he searched to find the source of ticking that did creep
Searching high and low he sifted, but the sound, it merely drifted
Followed him around as if a nuisance it had made him keep
He had searched the entire house for dreaded sound that made him keep
From e'er going back to sleep
He looked down then to discover watch upon his wrist did ponder
Bob heard voices in the watch from which it murmured ever deep
Asked to wristwatch "Can you hear me? Can you answer me so dearly?
Can you share upon my ears the wisdom that you humbly keep?
Teach me lessons from the depths of wisdom that you humbly keep!"
Quote the wristwatch, it said "Beep"
As he marveled at the wonder, Bob stared at the wristed ponder
Curious as to what this beeping's hidden meaning running deep
Could it be from God or Daemon, sent to Bob by angel, demon
From the fiery depths of Hell or from the church's rising steep?
His insanity pulled meaning from this message from the steep
Of a solitary beep
Bob then pleased the gods by dancing, submitted to mindless ranting
Waving body parts around just like a hopeless, mindless freak
Vulgar movements he was makin', dancing 'round the room butt-naked
Making sickly motions as he tried to godly pleasures keep
When he licked his armpits he knew he could godly pleasures keep
For he knew he'd pleased the beep
Then he started to remember long ago in mid September
He would ride around all day while through his hair the wind would seep
He would get out of the sauna, take with him a dozen llama
Pack them in the back and take a nice long road trip with the sheep
Wool would blow 'round to and fro while parting through the wooly sheep
In the trusty, rusted Jeep
Then a flashback came a sailin', reminding of scaly alien
Who invaded yon lost farm and harvested some many sheep
Feasting on the sheep asunder while Bob was in pleasant slumber
'Til he rose that fateful night to let his body fluids seep
He recalled the pleasure briefly of his yellow fluids seep
Along with green, flaming heap
Bob recalled the aliens mannin' yon gigantic laser cannon
Blowing 'way to kingdom come his faithful, trusty, rusted Jeep
He then knew the time of weeping, down his face the tears were leaking
Then he'd vowed to vengeance make, kill aliens for his pride to keep
When king alien bent over, he knew pride he could not keep
For he smelt of alien heap
He looked down at watch sensation, thought of some reincarnation
Wondering if inside was trapped the long lost soul of trusty Jeep
Bob then shouted, "Can you hear me? Can you answer me so dearly?
Are you from the heaven world, and were you once my trusty Jeep?
Is your soul the result of explosion of my trusty Jeep?
Quote the wristwatch, it said "Beep"
Then Bob became very angry, making ever more him crazy
For this insult watch had told him with its loud and piercing peep
Bob yelled, "How is it that you can say such things with bad intention?
I would never at you throw such shots that were so very cheap
You were once my trusty Jeep, how could your words at me be cheap?
Quote the wristwatch, it said "Beep"
So Bob fell in deeper sorrow, crying like t'was no tomorrow
For the words the watch was saying grew so ever piercing deep
Bob cried, "Why did I befriend you? I once thought that I had loved you!
I once did my entrust put on you to safely cart my sheep
If you hate me, then what did you think of my once carted sheep?
Quote the wristwatch, it said "Beep"
That said, Bob's wrath, it was raging, and his jealousy was aging
For how could his Jeep not love him, but instead befriend his sheep?
Bob exclaimed, "That does it with you, my wrist I will never lend you!"
Off he took the watch and threw it up against the wall in keep
"No more will I let you stay here in the comfort of my keep!"
Quote the wristwatch, it said "Beep"
At that last remark so blasted, Bob became so flabbergasted
Drew his gun and shot the watch that was the soul of trusty Jeep
Though insanity had spoken, unbeknownst to Bob, he'd taken
Out the only means he had of having way of time to keep
So lied watch in pile of rubble, never again time to keep
Never more again to beep
|
